Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead…The words from a song by Adele, probably, say about the problem of commitment in the relationships. Why some couples get married and live happily ever after whereas the other ones split as long as both or one of its members feel the time of the commitment is about to come? Why some partners are afraid of the word combination “lifelong commitment”? Let’s find the answers how to overcome the fear of commitment and have happy relationships.
Relationships and commitment: how it works
First of all, we are attracted to the other person physically. We are created the way we realize we like some representative of the opposite sex judging from their appearance. You may say: “No, it is not about me. I first noticed her patience” or you may say “I enjoyed the way he speaks”. But if you dig deeper into the moment you understood she or he was the one, you will find out that, truly, it was “love at first sight.” Note that not at first sound or even touch. It’s our nature to pay attention to the visual image initially. Therefore, it is so important to look good every day if you want to find the love of your life.
Then, ideally, the period of friendship should come. This is the time when couples visit some places together. They are just friends. They like to spend time together, but they are not a couple yet. They usually meet in public places with other friends, hang out. However, their level of attraction to each other becomes higher and higher.
After all, this stage of the relationships finishes when a man invites a woman to a date. The amount of time spent together increases. Couples begin to date more frequently. They begin to think about their future…with or without each other. It is the time when a man makes up his mind whether to propose to a woman or not. This is the most dangerous period of time for a woman because the relationships might either last or fail.
The answer is because some men have a fear of commitment. They think that once they get married, they will lose their freedom. Freedom is the most important thing for them, therefore, they are afraid. Some men, however, step over this fear when the others do not. What is more, some men can even try one more relationship, but as soon as the hindrances appear or a girl drops a hint about marriage, they disappear…Unfortunately, such men can even be bachelors till they are forty or fifty years old.
Levels of commitment in relationships
As soon as the couple begins to date, the levels of commitment start to develop:
1. Becoming a “boyfriend” and a “girlfriend” officially
At this level of commitment you are tired of hanging out with your friends and want more of your relationship. You want it to grow. You want to spend more time with a person you are physically and emotionally attracted to. Then you introduce your girl to your friends calling her “my girlfriend”, not just a friend. The boundary between you and her disappears and you become closer to each other. What is more, you may call her “my BEST friend.”
2. Introducing him or her to your relatives
When the relationships succeed and a man feels you are special for him, he introduces a woman to his family. It means that you are even more just a best friend, however, not yet a wife. Some men are extremely afraid of shifting to this level of commitment because it supposes he should propose to her soon. Nevertheless, some men do not take this level seriously and are not afraid at all, what cannot be said about them at the next level…
3. Breaking (do not confuse with heart-breaking)
This is the last level of commitment meaning that both members of the couple should break inside in order for their relationships to succeed. Some religions call it “to die inside” to bring new life. It is a level when a man and woman have to forget about their own interests to please the partner. We speak about a kind of love called “agape” or sacrifice love. This is such kind of love when a person breaks a part of his or her ego and brings it to the altar of their love. It is the highest degree or peak of love leading to the creation of the family unit. No need to mention that the breaking is the hardest part.
Relationships without commitment
Of course, there might be relationships without commitment, but how long can they exist?
It is proven that if people are not ready to sacrifice to something, they do not value this or that thing. If any of the commitment levels, especially the level of breaking, is absent, there is no future in the relationship. It will last only for a short period of time or last for years, but end up without official marriage.
Such relationships are especially poisonous for women. Every girl hopes her relationship will end up with a wedding and happy family, but not all men are looking for such relationship. Some of them just look for sex for one night and that is all. Therefore, it is very important to figure out the real motives of a man.
It is common knowledge that men do not spend their time with women they are not attracted physically or do not consider to be a potential partner in future. In other words, a girl may treat a man as just a friend when he treats her as a potential girlfriend. There is no friendship between a man and a woman which is not supposed to grow into romance and love.
However, some girls still believe in those fairy tales that it is possible to be just friends with a man. Every man expects more than just a friendship if he shows the signs of interest to a girl. Some men do not consider the commitment as something serious and want to just have intimacy when the girls might expect loyal friendship. Such relationships are dangerous for both men and women: men can wait for too long to get love from a girl or even fail to do it, and women can begin to have sexual relationships too early, earlier than it is needed.
How to overcome the fear of commitment
As it was mentioned above, there are some men with commitment issues. They are afraid to step at any level of commitment road. If they do not fight and overcome their fear, they condemn themselves to staying forever alone.
But can a person overcome the fear of commitment?
Of course, he or she can. If only he or she realizes how better his life will be at each level of commitment because there are many benefits. First of all, the society will treat you as a couple and provide you with more respect. Secondly, you will feel the peace of mind because everything is put in the right place. Thirdly, you will step at the higher level of personality development, which will give you much pleasure from standing at the edge of love.
How to overcome the fear of commitment in relationships?
Actually, it is not that easy to get over this phobia, but it is possible. A man should make the decision to get involved in the commitment without which the relationships are impossible to last long.
Here are practical steps on how to overcome commitment phobia:
1. Think about the potential benefits of serious relationships, which, of course, prevail. Life is much better in commitment (just imagine your socks are all put in the right order).
2. Take time and wait till you find the concrete signs of attraction from your partner. Make sure he or she really loves you.
3. Make up your mind and decide to proceed to a higher level in your relationships. It is important for a man to do it because he is the one who is a leader in the relationships.
4. Do not be afraid and make a step to get involved in the commitment. Responsibility is not a thing a man should be afraid of and not a big deal. It is his nature to become responsible for the couple and their future.
It is not that difficult to overcome any phobia if you actually want to know how to overcome commitment issues. It means that if you are reading this article, you are on the right track, baby…
So, now that you know how to get over commitment issues, let’s review what are commitment issues:
- fear of not being with the “right’ partner;
- fear of being in toxic relationships (infidelity, abandonment, abuse);
- the traumas of past or childhood trauma;
- trust issues because of problems in the past;
- complicated relationships in the family while growing up.
There might be more commitment problems , but these are the main ones.
All in all, getting over commitment issues might be sometimes difficult if you miss any of the practical steps mentioned above. If your man, however, refuses radically to commit to you, think if he is the right one for you because if he really loves you, no commitment issues will scare him. Does it mean that if a man does not have commitment issues, then his love is true? One hundred percent that the answer is “yes”.
The more fears you have, the more you have to ask yourself whether you are made for each other. Love is a power that removes all the hindrances on its way, especially the fear. True love never fails, so if you know what you feel is genuine, get rid of all doubts and fears.