Figuring all Benefits and Pitfalls of LDRs out
We live in times when everything goes through great changes. The traditional conceptions of family and romantic relationships transform dramatically along with the evolution of modern society. For many of us, it’s already normal to study and work outside our native countries; no wonder that long-distance relationships become more and more common. Millions of couples all over the planet – even married ones – live separately and affirm they feel totally satisfied. Among pre-marital couples, this percent is obviously higher. The issue of long-distance relationships aggravates daily: the more mobile humanity becomes, the more people have to deal with it. Our world is abundant in diverse kinds of technological means that enhance our communication but does this really help? So lovers around the world wonder if it’s possible to maintain the connection for a long time. And I want to discuss it relying on my past experience (yes, I know what it’s like!).
Problems to consider
First, I’d like to review the most common difficulties long-distance lovers face being in a serious relationship. Although they might seem banal, they indeed cause a huge harm to romance.
Total lack of intimacy. Believe me: this can be very, very painful. Long-term couples typically share all little events and special moments. They freely express their mind and get a partner’s reaction which is so precious to any human being. Imagine you can’t do so immediately and have to wait until the next online session or phone conversation when your impressions and emotions will partially lose their brightness and strength.
Fear of infidelity. Well, this may destroy any romance especially if mates don’t interact regularly. What if she/he will meet someone better than me? That’s the question any participant of an LDR has definitely asked at least once. Jealousy eats you from the inside since you understand that live communication the main ingredient for keeping the flame alive.
Impossibility of proper sex life. Love has various aspects and a rare one argues that healthiness of a relationship depends, in particular, on performance in bed. Geographically close couples make out frequently, advance their skills, and strengthen the emotional bond this way. Long-distance couples are able to do it during visits only, which adds extra points to overall distress.
Yearning for your dearest one. Though you’re claimed to be in a relationship, you remain single de facto; all people in LDRs know this feeling of loneliness, which gets even stronger if all your friends are in “conventional” relationships. They can see each other whenever they want while you have to wait for months. Studies tell us that long-distance lovers periodically experience a kind of depression.
Higher probability of fights. All the factors mentioned definitely increase the risk of having conflicts. Besides, the lack of face-to-face interaction makes their resolution more difficult. You indeed have to train your patience and mindfulness to keep your love life easy.
What to do about it
Take care of communication. It is super essential for any couple and necessary for shortening the physical distance. Choose together what regime fits you the best and involve one another in your lives. The same goes for wooing and sex: you’d better master the art of online flirting, sexting, as well as use webcam or phone for actual sex. This may seem tricky but on the other hand, you two will receive completely new experience.
Schedule your visits. How often should you see each other live? In fact, the frequency entirely depends on your individual needs. My ex, for instance, thought it was okay if people came to visit each other a few times a year while my opinion was somewhat different. Raise this subject in conversations and try to set an optimal plan.
Be sincere and honest. It’s important to attitude so not only toward your partner but to yourself as well. Try to keep the things transparent and your romance will be much safer. If you feel something goes wrong between the two of you or your expectations are failed, don’t hide the truth. It will become known with time anyway.
What do you expect from this relationship? In the beginning, we merely enjoy the atmosphere. It looks like an exciting adventure and we feel ready to fix any problems that might occur. But sooner or later, the question inevitably comes: what am I doing it for? Think about perspectives of your relationship and find out how similar your lover’s opinion is.
Discuss the matters of trust. Since your couple doesn’t exist in a vacuum, your partner certainly has friends and peers – including those of the opposite sex. What is acceptable and unacceptable for each of you? I do recommend you setting the boundaries in advance because it helps avoid bad surprises.
Learn how to handle conflicts. There is no 100% compatibility and having arguments is normal. As a long-distance couple, you should especially be responsible for your words and behaviours. Sometimes, you need to work it out here and now; sometimes, it’s wiser to calm your mind first. Test various techniques out and avoid taking ill-advised steps.
Live your own life. In my view, this is the most valuable tip to give. Yes, it may sound quite odd as your beloved one is the greatest value of your life. But the honeymoon phase can’t last forever: whether we like it or not, butterflies disappear after a while. Being immersed in a relationship doesn’t make us desirable – you should be immersed in your interests instead. Take up hobbies, work on your self-development, and make career plans. This is what sustains your partner’s enthusiasm.
Let’s wrap it up
As you can see, it is possible to feel happy in a long-distance relationship. In my humble opinion, it’s worth trying if you feel this person may be your soulmate. Keep in mind your couple will likely have to go through many troubles so you two should be able to manage those. You are free to decide whether it is good for you. Just muse what I’ve told you over!