Online Dating First Message: 11 Essential Tips


Talking to a girl online is much easier than in person. Just a few minutes of online search and you can learn everything about her: where she works or studies, what she likes, and what movies she prefers. That’s why, in online dating, the first message is essential. But when it comes to it, the same question always pops up: what to write to draw her attention to you and make her want to keep chatting? In this article, we’ll talk about online dating tips on the first message, best first messages in online dating, what they should contain, and what you should avoid when writing them.

The main task of the first message in online dating is to interest the girl, make her turn her attention to you. To do this, you don’t need to write a huge letter or come up with a fancy greeting. One or two carefully picked sentences will be more than enough. And now to the first text message to a girl on a dating website and some tips to make it worth responding to.

1) Send a message, not “smiles” or “hearts”

A lot of dating services provide you with the opportunity to show your interest and admiration without sending the first message to a girl at all. These websites allow you to send little tokens of appreciation, like so-called “hearts” or “smiles.” It’s not the best start if you look for a chat with a lady on a dating website. By sending these “smiles,” you’re saying that you kinda interested in your online companion, but leave the job of writing the first message to her. Should we say that she’ll never do it?

2) Pick the right title

online-girl-datingWhen writing the first message to send to a girl online, pay attention to the title: pick something short but sweet. You can use one of these:

Hello there

It seems like we share so much in common

Your profile got my attention

Sure, you can come up with other titles, just don’t write something like “wassup sexy” or “damn, you’re a hot one.”

3) Starting with the right words

There’s no need in telling you about the importance of the first sentence in your message. Keep your incredible creativity to yourself and start with a simple greeting and telling your name. Maybe mention something you find interesting about your companion’s profile. Here’s an example:

“Hi, I’m John, and I noticed that we like the same movies.”

Never write something like this:

“Hey there, sweetie, you’re so lucky I found ya.”

Before you start writing, look through your online companion’s profile and don’t forget to proofread your letter.

4) Don’t compliment too much on your companion’s looks

There’s nothing wrong with saying something pleasant about her looks, but you should do it in the right way. Don’t build your message upon it. A simple phrase like “That red dress really suits you” will seem harmless, but at the same time, it will show that you’re attracted to her.

Avoid writing stuff like this:

“OMG!! You’re soooo hot! I would admire your body forever.”

When writing such sentences, you make yourself seem like you’re just looking for someone to spend a night with.

5) Look for something in common

man-onlineThe main secret of a witty first message in online dating lies in finding the common language with your companion. Be sure to learn something about her, her preferences in music and books, job, lifestyle, anything that you can find. Let’s pretend that you found a lady you would like to chat with, but you have no idea about how to start the conversation. You check out her profile and find out that she’s a Lord of the Rings fan. Don’t hesitate to use this info to your advantage. For instance:

“Hi, I’m (your name), and your profile really caught my eye. You say that you’re a Lord of the Rings fan… me too! What is your favorite part? Did you enjoy the trilogy? I think that Peter Jackson did a great job transferring Middle-earth to a big screen.”

6) A couple of words about you

When writing the first message, include a bit of info about yourself that’s not available in your profile. If you mentioned that you love New York-style pizza, name a couple of places to try it or some venues that you would like to visit someday. This way you’ll show that you’re interested in keeping the conversation going.

7) Don’t write only about yourself

Don’t turn your first message into an autobiography. Here’s what you shouldn’t write:

“I studied (the thing you studied) in university (college, etc.) and spent my last vacation traveling across Europe. I enjoy spending evenings watching TV shows (playing games, working out, etc.). I don’t drink, but it’s OK if you do… Looking forward to your response.”

Emails like this one are boring as hell; besides, you don’t say why you chose her among thousands of other girls. In other words, you’ll never get a reply. Instead, write a message like this:

“Whoa, you really work at NASA? That’s awesome. So, is it hard to be a rocket scientist? Can you get me a ticket to Mars?”

8) Show that you saw her profile

girl_texting_cell_phoneYour creative first message in online dating should explain why you decided to write to your companion, choosing her among others, and show that the message you sent is not a simple template. If something from her profile got your attention, be sure to mention it in your letter.

9) Make your message funny

If you can at least make your companion smile with your letter, the job is almost done. The thing is that most funny guys are smart, and smart men have always attracted ladies’ attention. There’s no need to turn into a stand-up comedian, but a good joke can help you break the ice faster. But don’t overdo it.

10) Know how to end your message

Alright, you wrote the message, using all the tips mentioned above. Let’s end it. As you already know, the letter shouldn’t be too long or short. The main thing is to build the sentences so that your companion enjoyed reading them and wrote you back. If you include too little information about her, you risk showing that you didn’t bother reading her profile, while writing too much may seem intrusive. Work on your own style and try several different approaches, don’t forget to follow the steps you already learned.

The ending of your letter shouldn’t sound too fancy. It’s not enough to just type “bye,” but don’t make up a story like “if you don’t write me back, my feelings will be really hurt.” There are a lot of great examples of message endings, here’s one:

“I hope you enjoyed the time you spent reading this letter. Looking forward to your response. Have a good one!”

11) Wait for a bit

After your first message is sent, all you need is to wait for a reply. Some online dating services allow you to check whether your companion read the letter or not. Don’t forget that she has a lot of things to do, so you may have to wait for a response for a bit.

Give your companion at least a couple of days to reply and always check the last time she was logged in. If she didn’t reply, just forget her. There’s no need to send more messages; it’s just a waste of time. There are hundreds of ladies who would love to have a chat with you.

In conclusion

Now you’re ready to start looking for a companion on the web. As for the first message in online dating, the examples and tips we gave you will help. Just remember, it’s not about what you write, it’s all about how you write it. Try avoiding pickup lines and be open. Make your message as simple as possible. If you have doubts about what you wrote, ask yourself if it’s OK to say something like this in person. And don’t be afraid of failures.

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